Insecure

Insecurity is a very negative and powerful feeling that has a strong hold on me one way or another. There are many things I am insecure about and some of them include:

• How good my art actually is
• Who am I to say I can teach how to draw
• My appearance
• How good of a person I actually am
• Am I enough and am I doing enough for myself, family, and friends
• My terrible social skills
• The ugly parts of my mental illness' and myself

I could go on and on. I am in general an insecure person with a guilty sense of being throughout these years for just existing sometimes. It's okay though. It's something I've been working and improving on. For instance, something dumb, but I used to be very insecure about my short stature (4"11) but now I embrace it and hope to do similar to the rest of my insecurities.

Hurt

A lot of my art, especially over the past three years since 2019 had been content and art I made as a form of venting and expression of the stressful and complex states I was going through and sometimes could not explain in words. I was hurting a lot throughout high-school. How I am now? I'm very different but still affected by the things that had happened and or continue to happen sometimes. I am in a dull and empty state but I find happiness in cartoons and moments I have with my family and friends who I hold tighter in my heart than I ever have in my life.

Many days I created vent art of the things I could not express to anyone else or sometimes even to myself. It helped me calm down sometimes and would help me process what was happening at that time. Hurt can be confusing and art helped me make sense of it.

I value my family so much now and will do anything for them. I know there are other people out there who hurt and feel alone. I want to inspire and help others in the way I know how to and if one of those things is teaching someone how to draw then great. I turned to drawing in my times of need and loneliness and would love to help someone learn to draw if they need it for a similar reason.

As of today, I work under my dad who I love very much and am thankful for. He is a hard working man who has his own struggles himself. He is one of the strongest people I know and look up to. I am determined to do anything to make him happy. He saw I was unhappy and helped me get back up when I was stressing to become an independent adult and gave me some purpose and direction in my life when I needed it most. I will never forget the day he told me something along the lines of things are going to be okay and I don't have to rush becoming an adult or successful cause he's my dad and will always be there for me no matter what. Those words he said to me lightened a heavy weight I held onto for a long time. I still push myself, but my dad has helped me allow myself not to stress as much. He has faith in me as an individual and because of that I now have some faith in myself too. I am very happy to have the best boss in the world also being the best dad I could ever ask for. The Art Loft would not have been possible without my dad and family. 

Everything I do and strive for is for my family and friends. I am proud to say my loved ones inspire my art and what I do and plan to continue doing here at The Art Loft.